Act One, Scene One: Drac Tries to Seduce Zandra

Scene opens on a classic generic B-movie vampire basement, complete with coffins, dirt on ground, fog, rats and large pillars. Silly fake rats skitter across floor as soon as the curtain opens. Drac stands stage right, hands pointed towards Zandra in hypnotic stance. Zandra's appearance is a cross between Elvira and Morticia Addams. Zandra stands stage left, bound to a basement post with heavy rope (bondage gear) that she could obviously wriggle out of if she was so inclined. Drac advances slowly, tango-like, cape across his face towards Zandra. When the curtain opens, Zandra has a look of horror on her face. As Drac advances, her look changes to bored “seen it, done it” indifference, she yawns when Drac is half way across the stage.

Drac (very heavy Transylvanian accent): And now you are completely in my power. Bla, bla…

Zandra (not convincingly): No! No!

Drac: I have hypnotized you completely. I vill bend you to my will!

Zandra (like Mae West): Oooh, big boy. Tell me more!

Drac: Do not adjust your set. We control the vertical. We control the horizontal (shakes his head, wrong script). You are completely under my control. (Drac flips his cape to cover his face. Then chants ala Mick Jagger) You shall be mine, you shall be mine all mine.

Zandra (not convincingly): You beast! No! No!

Drac: Come to the dark side.

Zandra (not convincingly) does a fake scream.

(Drac moves in to bite Elvira on the throat. He unfurls his cape to reveal exceptionally long incisors)

Zandra (not convincingly): No! No! (Right before Dracula bites Elvira breaks in a Brooklyn accent ala Lena Lamont from Singing in the Rain). No! Vladimir , I'm serious. No means no! (Elvira frees one hand and pushes him away, disgusted).

Elvira (with Lena Lamont accent). I already told you, my heart belongs to another! (Very low timpani hit, bollywood style to indicate Drac's disappointment. Drac recoils in horror, like he's just seen a crucifix)

Drac: You have broken my heart. And who is this budding Romeo?

Zandra (with southern accent, holding up 8 x 10 glossy of Elvis): Elvis has stolen my heart!

Drac: How can you be attracted to that delinquent and his EVIL (shakes voice Elvis style) rock and roll?

Zandra: Well… (puts her hand up in a “talk to the had” gesture and starts singing)

Song 1: Zandra sings “God and Elvis” to Drac. (God and Elvis Lyrics)

Song becomes a group number with Goth vampires doing Elvis rock n' roll moves around the coffin laden basement.

(Drac snaps his fingers at the group at end of song. The group freezes, the lights dim and a spotlight hits Drac. This shows that Drac has stopped time with his hypnotic powers)

Drac (looking angry and worried): That's the third time this week! This must be stopped. There can be only one King of Manhattan! Mark my words; I will call this (pauses) Elvis (said in disgust) out!

(Drac whips his cape around him and storms stage left to stage right, leaving the scene. Before he gets to the curtain stage right, he stops dead in his tracks, pauses two seconds, snaps his fingers again to break hypnotic spell on crowd, shakes his head at the dancing, throws his cape around him in disgust and walks offstage. Spot is turned off Dracula. Lights come back up on scene)

Zandra and Goths finish song.

End of song. Curtain.